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Sunday, 20 December 2009

  • 感謝神讓我終於明白到我要些甚麼,

    那一刻真的很感動。

    這個疑問糜磨著我很多年了。

    2009年11月19日的凌晨



    真的很多年了,很多年也在聽Avirl呢首歌,

    陪伴著我原地踏步地過。

    Nobody's Home lyrics
    Songwriters: Gilmore, Don; Moody, Ben; Lavigne, Avril;
    Well, I couldn't tell you
    Why she felt that way? She felt it everyday
    And I couldn't help her
    I just watched her make the same mistakes again

    What's wrong, what's wrong now?
    Too many, too many problems
    Don't know where she belongs
    Where she belongs?

    She wants to go home but nobody's home
    That's where she lies
    Broken inside with no place to go
    No place to go to dry her eyes
    Broken inside

    Open your eyes
    And look outside find the reasons why
    You've been rejected
    And now you can't find what you've left behind

    Be strong, be strong now
    Too many, too many problems
    Don't know where she belongs
    Where she belongs?

    She wants to go home but nobody's home
    That's where she lies
    Broken inside with no place to go
    No place to go to dry her eyes
    Broken inside

    Her feelings she hides, her dreams she can't find
    She's losing her mind, she's fallen behind
    And she can't find her place, she's losing her faith
    She's fallen from grace, she's all over the place, yeah

    She wants to go home but nobody's home
    That's where she lies
    Broken inside with no place to go
    No place to go to dry her eyes
    Broken inside

    She's lost inside, lost inside
    She's lost inside, lost inside

Friday, 27 November 2009

  • 連續三個晚上發了過去從未有過的夢。

    夢醒了,

    得出了who am i 的答案。


    睡醒後每每很痛痕過去的自己,

    轉瞬間告訴自己不要再停留在夢境的畫面裡,

    因為我知道自己一定會哭出來。


    粘上清醒而厚重的感覺,

    充塞著整個躲在睡床的我。

    忍受不了這份重擔,

    要起床寫下。


    這三個晚上夢告訴了我心中所想但清醒時「不知道」的事,

    那管是明明知道卻不願接受的事情還是腦袋歪掉組織不了的東西,

    夢卻如實反映了。

    或許清醒後不明所以而不消一刻的將感覺忘記得一乾二淨,能令我好過一點。


    cciv的張教授上課時說過感受生命的律動可能需要一點天賦,

    我身上沒有它,

    我擁有的是斷斷續續的運氣。


    夢餘影未散。



Friday, 06 November 2009

Thursday, 15 October 2009

  • 我寧願有嚴重脊柱側灣病的是我,而不是我的弟弟。

    聽醫生淡淡然的診斷,

    他知道他餘下的日子將要面對病情會緩緩惡化的心理煎熬,

    直至一天,當他比正常彎了很多的脊柱不能再好好地支撐他的身體時,

    他要迫於無奈地被抬進手術枱上,

    做個不知會否成功,亦不知有多少後遺症的手術。


    是哪時哪天要做手術,

    連醫生也不知道,

    求神庇佑沒事沒幹平均一年彎一度,十年該最少有八九度嘛,

    很唬人。



    他已經穿了那個「死人」塑膠架接近兩年,二十四小時內套足二十二小時,

    兩年來毎個晚上也因焗得出汗或皮膚養而睡得不好;

    不能經常打他喜愛的籃球,因為他怕脫去膠架太多會影響他的治療;



Friday, 21 August 2009

  • 纏繞自己多個年頭的心病,

    經過三個月假期的悉心料理,

    反反覆覆的將零碎的經歷整合和內化後,

    終於治愈了


    這是我奢求己久的一天,

    像積存遠久的霉氣一鼓腦兒的全消泄外去,

    爽極了,感覺很真切實在。